When Hope is Not Enough

Okay, bare with me so I can explain the title of this post. I've never done a post of this nature in the entire 6 years of having this blog, but when I was looking at the names and the amount of beauty products that I use each night, I couldn't resist! 

In 2010, just after the birth of Cayden Truth we took family pictures. Upon looking at these family pictures I noticed that my face had taken a downward turn....AGE SPOTS and WRINKLES had consumed me!!! OH MY!!! 

I was devastated!!! Crying I said to Clinton, "Why didn't you tell my face looked like this??? What has the Thailand sun done to me??? When did this happen?? I know I'm getting older but this is ridiculous!" 

When I saw this picture I freaked out!! Mind you I come from an extremely vain line of women. Because I have pastors who read our blog I'll leave it with saying that my mother and aunts and cousins have had one type of cosmetic surgery or another...my mother having had the same procedure done over three times!! 

When I got saved, vanity was actually one of the big demons that I had to get rid of....I think I threw it too far overboard and am trying to make my way back to the middle at the moment. ; ) 

Anyway, having just had a baby at 39, I began to grasp for something....anything....to help me look better and to help my poor face that now resembled something akin to the leopard family

I immediately began to scroll through our pictures to see when exactly this "downward spiral" started happening.... 

The picture that led to my frantic search for a good beauty regime 

When I found THIS picture! "Ahhhhh, 35. Look how creamy and soft". I reminisced. "Those were the days when I never even thought about my face" I barely had on any makeup in this picture. 

Now I'm not saying I'm the image of beauty here, I'm strictly talking about the texture of my skin, and color of my skin. I could hardly see a blemish and certainly no wrinkles. 

So my next question..."OMG! What do I do???" 

The other picture that led to my frantic search

I quickly began to search the web and read articles about what women approaching 40 should use as a daily facial regime. 

I went to the Oprah website, and even though I'm not a fan of hers, she alway has really good information on the Fashion and Beauty section of her website. 

I quickly learned that  I should be using a broad spectrum sunscreen that protects against  UVA and UVB rays. To try and repair my damaged skin I needed creams and serums that contained vitamin C, E, B3, B5 peptides, antioxidants and glycolic acid. Sound pretty complicated if you ask me! 

So the search began. Where does a missionary wife on a limited income find adequate beauty products to help her skin regain some of it's resilience and to protect it from future damage?? The thought was a bit overwhelming. 

 THEN it happened the miracle moment......I found the Philosophy skin care products which are wonderful. Very affordable and their creams, washes and serums have every thing you need in them.

There are a few items missing because I'm out at the moment. The one that's highly recommend is the Hope in a Jar (it stinks but it's a wonderful moisturizing cream) It was on Oprah's favorite things list one year , and Purity Made Simple which is the face wash, I'm using the Olay Regenerist at the moment.

So here it goes. 

Are you ready??

1. I start out my washing with the Purity Made Simple face wash
2. Second, I use the When Hope is Not Enough, which saved the life of my skin. 
3. Not pictured, is a whitening cream with a small amount of steroids, that cost $20 that I bought here in Thailand
4. Next, I put the Hope in a Tube around my eyes and my lips
5. Lastly, I add the moisturizer which was Hope in a Jar but I'm substituting at the moment for Olay.

When I ordered this a year ago, I ordered a Basic Care Kit for only $100. 

With that kit came a sample of the Microdelievery Peel which I highly recommend!! I only had the samples they sent me, which I made stretch for a week, but I saw a HUGE difference with only one week of use. 

You'll notice a picture of Help Me. This is Retin A cream or Retinol. My skin did NOT like this stuff. It burned like crazy when I put it on and it made my skin more sensitive to the sun. So I didn't continue to use it.

Cast of Characters 

When Hope is Not Enough, which saved the life of my skin. I'm convinced! I could sing the praises of this stuff until the cows come home!!! "Amber, you don't have any cows! My point exactly!! I could go on and on and on about this stuff.

 It really did help repair my damaged skin! It's packed FULL of goodies that are wonderful for the skin. 

The most amazing serum EVER!!! 

The Hope in a tube is wonderful if you're in your 40's and starting to see wrinkles around your eyes and lips. I saw a visible difference in the area around my eyes..wrinkles that is

Hope in a Tube

All of these products I've been using faithfully for a year now. They've lasted me THAT long. The only two things that ran out were the Hope in a Jar moisturizer and Purity Made Simple face wash.

Night firming cream is VERY important when you're 40 or approaching 40!

The next thing that I MUST stress is the UTTER importance to keep your skin protected from the UV rays!! This Thailand sun is merciless!! (All sun is merciless for aging women) We are so close to the equator that the sun is extremely HOT and extremely damaging to the skin!!

Okay, so I don't really know if that has anything to do with anything but it IS HOT here and the sun IS brutal!! SO, I don't leave home without my hat, if I'm going to be out in the sun for any length of time AND I wear a moisturizer with SPF of 30 to 50. Got it? Good!

 Amen!

The hat that I don't leave home without.

Here is a very close up of my face one year after this beauty regime!! Now there's still some spots and mild redness, but for the most part it looks like I had some laser treatment done! And I DIDN'T.

Although, would you believe me if I told you that I was so traumatized by the first picture posted, that I went to a laser clinic to see what the price would be......let's just say WAAAY out of a missionaries range!

And that's when I took matters into my own hands. ; )

So this is for all of you my beautiful lady friends who might be having a mild panic of your own over the condition of your skin, or your age, or that you love sugar, or that your kids are driving you nuts, or any kind of panic at all. 

OR 

Maybe all of you are now convinced that I'm nuts. You were always thinking it in the back of your mind, but this post has now sealed the envelope.

Love

Amber

Another..............

Some of you have already heard the news, and for those of you who haven't we're expecting another baby in late July!!

We are overjoyed with the news!!! Life!! A new beginning! So fun and exciting!!

We found out on Friday that we're having another BOY!!!! The news hit us in the funny bone and we could not stop laughing! I, Amber, kept hitting the doctor saying, "Jing laaa?? Jing laaa Khung Moo???" Which means "Are you serious? Doctor, are you serious???"

Baby boy Garsee at 11w 4d

We couldn't be more happy that we're populating the world with boys!!  Garsee boys!

For those of you who don't know us.....there are regular boys and then there are Garsee boys which some have told us are a whole different breed of boy.   She smiles a cunning smile.  ; )

Baby boy Garsee at 18w

We're so happy the share the news with you.

What's going on at your house? Do you have any news to share?

12 inches long?!?

Here's our boy just out of surgery

Last night we skyped with Chase, in Mexico, and he didn't look too hot. For those of you who know Chase know that he must be dying to let you know anything's wrong.

After MUCH probing, he began to tell us that he was having some bad stomach cramping along with lots of vomiting. This had been going on for almost 24 hours by the time we talked with him.

He said he couldn't keep anything down and was beginning to hallucinate! This was all it took for Mamma!

Clinton called Andy Pricer, our good friend, in whose house Chase is staying and let him know the severity of Chase's situation, because, of course, Chase didn't mention anything to them. He's Mr. Don't bother anyone, Don't make a big deal out of anything, Suck it Up, Don't be a Chump.......as he's lying in his bed dying without anyone in the house aware!!

After Andy went up and probed Chase about symptoms he felt like he knew it was the appendix because just two years later he had dealt with this with another young man that was in their house.

Within just a few hours they had admitted Chase to the hospital and he was going in for surgery.

When he came out of surgery, the doctor showed Andy the appendix and told him the the average appendix is 3 1/2  in. long but Chase's was 12 in. with pus surrounding it!!

The 12 inch long appendix.

When I spoke with Andy last, Chase was in recovery still very groggy from the medicine and unable to move due to a spinal tap, but they thought he would be fine in the next few days and release him on Tuesday.

I also want to add that just last week, while playing football and doing a dive roll,  he broke his collar bone!!

Chase has been under tremendous warfare since arriving in Mexico and we're asking you all to pray for his protection and quick healing for both of the issues at hand!

Love,
Amber

Just Go With It AND General Tso's Chicken

Seems the life of a pregnant woman is never certain.

I was so excited to enter into the second trimester thinking that my energy would come back. Although, I don't ever remember it coming back when pregnant with Cayden, i thought it will come back with this baby.

To my utter dismay, most days, I HAVE NO energy!

NONE!

Somedays, it's 11am and I'm still in pj's lying on the floor trying to motivate myself for the day ahead.

One day last week I told Clinton that I would be perfectly happy if he got me a hotel room for week and let me sleep! Of course, that's not practical and didn't happen, and when I said it Clinton looked at me, with a very strange look head cocked to the side....like "Are you serious??"

Lots of days this is how I feel, "Someone get me my blankey. I just need to sleeeeeeep!!"

THEN there are days when this gush of energy hit's me and I'm ready to plan my meals for the month, scratch my creative itch in the kitchen making things my pregnant palate dreams about, clean out the cabinets, closets, and the toy boxes.

Friday was an amazing day! I homeschooled Joseph, did some Tot school with Cayden, and started my dinner prep at 2pm!! On that day we had Spaghetti and Meatballs that I got from the The Pioneer Woman and it was delicious!!! I mean good! So good I called Colton and told him, "I made some meatballs that will make you cry. Hurry and come get some."

Then Saturday, I couldn't seem to do anything!! I stayed in my pi's ALL DAY LONG!

I teeter between feeling like a total looser OR giving into my "hormonal state" and throwing a big slumber party watching movies and eating pop corn and staying up late because I have an "excuse".

 Tuesday, we had another wonderful day. I got school done with Joe by 1am laid the baby down at 1:30, gathered my ingredients for dinner, took a little nap and began dinner prep at 5:20.

We had amazing Butter Chicken (an Indian dish), and I made homemade Naan Bread that I got from Indian Simmer. It was an amazing dinner. I felt so good and productive, and I don't even have a picture.

 Today as I type, it's 11:17 and all I've done is read my Bible dress my children, call my husband and tell him I love him, and eat breakfast.

SO I've decided to just GO WITH IT. Chill out, Amber!

Hey! I'm 40 and pregnant AGAIN! Need I remind anyone that this is my 7th pregnancy and fourth in the last three years!!  What do I except of myself?!? Right?? ahem

 Right!

For some of the good days this week, here are a few pictures. ; )  

Last night, I made General Tso's chicken and it was DELICIOUS!!! I found the recipe on You Tube a while back and after making it several times (it's quickly become a family favorite) have tweaked the recipe to our liking. Started cutting chicken at 5:20pm and we sat down to eat at 6:20! How's that for fast!

Amber's version:
4 chicken breasts (cut very small)
2 eggs
flour

Sauce:
five garlic cloves
five slices of ginger about an inch a piece
1c chicken stock
7Tbls sugar
1/3c vinager
1/4c Hoisen Sauce (heaping)
1/4c Sesame Oil
1T + 1tsp corn starch
1/4c low sodium dark soy sauce
Sesame seeds(optional)

Directions:
Cut chicken in small pieces.
Whisk egg and put chicken in the egg
Dredge in flour and deep fry in hot oil  in small batches @375F until golden brown
Drain on paper towel

In a mixing bowel whisk chicken broth, sugar, vinegar, hoisen sauce, sesame oil, corn starch, soy sauce. Set aside.
Slice garlic and ginger into thin slivers then sauté in oil over med low heat until you smell the aroma of the garlic and the ginger. (about a min)
Mix sauce ingredients in with garlic/ginger until bubbles form.
Quickly add the chicken and stir fry until well coated and the sauce thickens.
Sprinkle with sesame seeds

Serve with hot white rice! YUM!!

Last night we had Baked Potato Soup. Talk about easy AND good! This whole dinner was ready from start to finish in 45min!

I like that! I'm into easy.

Baked Potato Soup

Cheddar Biscuits like Red Lobster

And here's a picture of Mr. Garsee playing "Mr. Wolf, what time is it?" with Joseph and Cayden.  I have this picture because I was sitting on the porch, which means it was another good day. ; )

Mr. Wolf has caught the Little Pig

Now Clinton's the Little Pig and he's being Chased by Joseph the Wolf

Tell me about your day!

Love
Amber

2012: The Year of Promise

This post has been a long time coming! Fourteen days to be exact. ; )

I want to share something that God spoke to me for the New Year with you. When reading another ladies blog, she talked about getting a name/theme for each new year. Like what God wants to do with their family for that coming year or what to focus on. Koinonia (communion) or Eucharisto (thankfulness) are some of her themes.

After reading that post, I told God that i wanted Him to give me a theme too. I really liked that idea and want to begin to incorporate it into our life each year. So I began to pray and  kept hearing the word promise but couldn't quite get what God was saying.

A few days later, a good friend of mine wrote me a message and told me that God was doing amazing things with Chase in Mexico. My response to her was, "Yes, yes yes! Amen! THIS is the year of PROMISE"

As I was typing it, I could feel the Holy Spirit's breath on it.

About three hours later, I decided to listen to a Bill Johnson teaching on the iBethel website. I went to their Sermons of the Week and you'll NEVER guess what the very first message for 2012 was titled!!!!
2012: The Year of Promise
I flipped out!!!!! I hollered, " Clinton, come up stairs quick!!!" So much excitement filled my heart and soul that God had confirmed His word to me. That this year was going to be a good year and one of overflow and promise!

2011 was a really hard year for me. I think it was a really hard year for many people, and I was glad to see it go and am so excited and expectant for what God has for us in 2012!

Not only am I excited for our family but I'm also excited for the body of Christ as a whole. I thought my word from the Lord was for our family only, but after hearing Bill's word I realized it was for the body of Christ as well! THIS really excited me as I have many friends who've struggled through 2011 too.

So let's put 2011 behind us believe God together for an amazing year filled with many promises!!

Changing gears just a bit, we brought in the New Year with one of the Thai families that we're very close to;(praying that they will give their hearts to Jesus soon).......We cooked together, ate Thai food to our hearts content, then brought in the new year popping fireworks.

Our dinner consisted of an amazing Thai salad  made with green mangos over the top of fried fish, grilled chicken and pork, fried fish patties, fried rice, cucumbers marinated in a yummy sweet/spicy sauce! All of it was delicious and anything but traditional. But hey! our Christmas dinner was Pizza so we're breaking all the rules lately and liking the freedom to do so. ; )

Here's a few pictures so those of you in America can see just exactly what I'm talking about and see what you're missing out on. ; )

Yam pla sam lee(mango salad over fish) for the children.

A closer look. Doesn't it look delicious!

I could've eaten all of it by myself!

Pork courtesy my husband.

Delicious nam jim (dipping sauce) for the pork

We ate our spread on the floor (thai style) 

cucumber salad

more mago salad without the fish

Lee and Noom our good friends.

Nong Saaw, she's been in our life since she was 8! She's 15 now and loves Jesus!

What was your New Years like?

How did you celebrate?

What did you eat?

What are some of your traditions?

I love to hear from you

Love
amber

Disappointments That Cut Deep

I just hung up the phone from our social worker in Bangkok, the one who handled Bank's case and who is now handling Joseph's case.

Back in November, she told me to call in January to see if we could have our board meeting.

I called today in hopes that we would indeed get an appointment.

But again, my hopes were dashed as I listened to her tell me that my paper work needed to be translated and we had to get on the books for an appointment and she didn't get our paper work from Songkhla (our province) until December and I have to be jai yen yen (calm down) and and and......as she spoke her voice became a murmur and I couldn't even hear anything she was saying. 

I felt disappointment hit me like a thick wave. Tears began to stream down my face, actually gush would be a more accurate description. I was crying so hard that I could barely talk to the woman. She kept saying, "Amber, calm down. Be still. Stop crying it's New Year"

I'm thinking....."calm down, stop crying it's New Years??? Are you serious???" I have been home in almost 3 1/2 years, lady. My family has never seen my last three children. Are you serious?? Calm down??"

So for those of you who don't know, we have one more appointment with the board in Bangkok and then we wait for 6 months while being visited three more times.  After that the adoption is final on the Thai side. Joseph becomes ours in name and in authority in Thailand. 

AFTER that we wait two MORE years before America we accept our application to make him ours on the American side. We've gone through this whole loooooong process with Bank and we're finished with the two years on the American side in March. We praise God for that!

So for now, we wait.

When I hung up the phone, I couldn't stop crying. My heart was broken. My emotions are high right now as many of you women who've been pregnant can attest to.

Then I remembered something...... The Thai adoption center isn't in charge of my life. They don't dictate when we go home or how long we stay here. God's in charge. When God sees fit that we get that appointment, we'll get it. The End!

I look to the hills from which my help comes from; it comes from the Lord!

Love
amber

Mammas

I've been contemplating much about the role of a mamma. Mammas are shaping the lives of people each and everyday. What a tremendous responsibility!!

When I look at myself and see many areas where I am seriously lacking, this kind of frightens me. When I see the fear that I allow to grip me, and the lack of faith in my life,  I call out to God in my lack and pray that He changes me. I want to be changed into His image. I want to be like Him. I want my children to be like Him. I want my children to be giants in the spirit! I want to be full of faith and emit that to my children. 

I long to see ALL the promises God has promised me come to fruition. I long to see my seed be the generals that they were called to be.

General # 1

The other day I had this revelation. I was thinking about all of my children and how hard the enemy has tried to steal our seed. I have three babies in heaven, the enemy tried to take Cayden from us at 37 week gestation, but praise His name I realized that there was no fetal movement and went to see the doctor. That day I had an emergency c-section, two of my boys were thrown away by others and God brought them into our family, and two of my boys, have struggled to follow God and lay hold of the things of God. I've often wondered, "Why?" 

Then I heard the Lord speak so clearly to me that my children have mighty calls of God on their lives and the enemy doesn't want to see their destinies fulfilled.

General # 2

Three nights ago, one of my sons was talking to his brother on the phone. He began to encourage him that in a war, privates aren't messed with by the enemy. There's no strategic attack plan to try and take out the privates, but that it's the generals that the enemy wants to take out. As he was talking, I had tears streaming down my face, as the Lord was confirming His word to me. He said to his brother, "......, you're not a private in this army, you're a general and that's why the devil is messing with you so badly. You have to realize the call of God on your life is so great, your talents are so great that the enemy wants to take you out!" 

I was floored that my son, could encourage his brother in such an amazing way!

General #3

Two days ago, all of my pregnancy symptoms disappeared and I began to worry. I told Clinton and he said in faith, "remember God gave you a dream and said 'This baby will live'.

General #4

The enemy has tried to take this baby from conception. Not knowing I was pregnant, I went to have a mammogram. I was on the 25th day of my cycle. The tech didn't use a lead apron. On the 26th day of my cycle, my period didn't come and my pregnancy test came back positive. The enemy urged me to have a mammogram as I was fearful because of breast pain. I was moved by fear. When in reality, my breast were hurting because I have a baby growing inside me. He's such a liar. I've succumbed to his tactics way too often.

I'm tired of being moved by fear. I don't want my children to be moved by fear.

General #5 (complete with his Thor sword)

While resting in the afternoon, that same day, I began to get so frustrated that the enemy moves me to fear so easily and I declared out loud, "Satan is after my seed!!! You can't have my seed! God's given them to me to look after to raise up and I will have this baby too. This baby is a general in God's army and you can't stand it!!" Then I began to quote all the scriptures God has given me over my children. My faith began to rise up!!

The next day, pregnancy symptoms were back in overdrive. I was sick from morning until night!! God's kiss on my faith. Then around 9pm, my good friend called me and said she was thinking of me. She said while sleeping she had a dream of a chubby curly headed little girl in our house. : )  Amen!!

So this is my point.

1.  For us to believe God for godly seed no wavering. 
2.  satan is after our seed, and we must fight in the spirit for the souls and sometimes the lives of our of our children. 
3. My point is that if God's given you generals, your job is great! We MUST rise up to command our little army and make them into the men and women God created them to be. 
4. Fear can not be a ruling force in our lives. We must be ruled by faith

Is it a big job? You bet! 

Can we do it? You bet! We can do ALL things through Christ who gives us strength. 

I want to leave you with this. I have it taped on the wall of my school room.  I copied it from an Above Rubies women's devotional. So very powerful!! (please overlook my penmanship ; ) 

love,

amber

Letting the cat out of the bag

Hi! Merry Christmas! I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas. We did. Thailand Christmas' are always interesting and never the same. You have to create the mood you want to have with your family because all around you everyone is carrying on as if nothing special were about to happen.

Oh wait! I'm supposed to be letting a cat out of the bag...not be talking about our Christmas. hehehe but I guess in a way it's all related.

We haven't let the news out yet, but I wanted to let it out for you first. I don't really know how many blog readers I have but if you're still reading my blog you must be pretty faithful cause I'm not too good at keeping it up.

Anyway....there I go again. I'm pregnant!!! I'm 10weeks in a few days. I haven't gone to the doctor yet and don't plan on going until around 13 or 14 weeks. All of my other pregnancies were so governed by fear, and anxiousness that we've decided to trust God on this one. I don't want to run to the hospital and get an ultrasound to "confirm" my pregnancy.

I'm VERY pregnant! No one can sleep like a pregnant woman. I'm taking two hour naps and going to be around 10:30pm and waking around 8:30am! I'm also extremely nauseous!! I've never been this nauseous with any other pregnancy. This too is a good sign for someone who's had several miscarriages. All of my symptoms help my heart to be at ease that all is well.

The baby's due on Clinton's birthday, July 28th. And for all the curious minds... this ones our last. I turned 40 this year and my old body just aint what it used to be!!! ; )
If it's a girl we'll be happy but if it's not we're totally fine with that. Actually after having all these boys i can't really imagine having a girl. Daddy's still holding out though.

So back to Christmas. Christmas Eve, we took the family to eat Japanese food! The baby was craving wasabi. Yes, I know, folks, we've been in Asia waaaay too long. But none the less. That's what we had and it was wonderful. We ate and ate until our hearts were content. Colton and his wife joined us which made it all the more cozy.

We all went back to our house to watch Home Alone. Don't' ask me?!? I think it was Colton's idea. So glad it was late and I made Joe and Cayden go to be because that movie is filled with stinky attitudes.

The next morning, we did Skype with Chase and Nonnie as we opened our presents. It's been so hard Chase being gone but am so thankful for technology!

So then came the preparation of the wonderful Christmas meal, right?!? WRONG. I had planned it all out the day before and even did all the shopping for it. Colton requested Mexican. So the menu was quesadillas, hot sauce, tacos, and cheese dip.

BUT, my pregnant body wasn't cooperating with the plan. I kept talking to myself all day and trying to get myself excited about making the sacred dinner, but it just wasn't working. Suddenly, at 1:45 the pregnant sleepy hit (that i can only compare to jet lag) and there's not escaping it. I woke from my nap at around 3:45 still not excited about making Christmas dinner.

Finally, at around 5pm I timidly asked, "Colton, would you be terribly disappointed if we didn't have a traditional Christmas dinner and ordered pizza instead?" He was like, "No, not at all. Pizza sounds good to me. His wife was really excited that she didn't have to eat Mexican as was Bank. " So pizza it was!! At 7:30pm our pizza and hot wings arrived, and we enjoyed one another's company without all the fuss of making a Christmas dinner.

We ended the evening watching White Christmas, which has become a family tradition. Heck, at least we still have some family traditions! ; )

Here's a few pictures into our home.

This is our advent pockets we made when Clinton's mom was here last year.

Winter painting my amazingly talented husband painted.

Our sweet tree

Hark the herald angles sing, Glory to the new born King

How was your Christmas? I'd love to hear some of the things you and your family do.

Love,
Amber

What's on my mind

My heart is so heavy this week!

I want to bring you into a little part of my world and share my burden with you. It's my desire in sharing, that you would get the burden too and join with me in prayer for this family. I'm going to try and give you a little background and also paint a picture for you.

Three years ago, our team met this family who were living in abject poverty. The mother and father whose names are Bia (mother) and Oh(father), were only 28 at the time. Both of them enslaved by the sprit of poverty, and laziness. The father in chains to alcohol. At the time they had 6 children and the mother went to jail shortly after for several months.(breaking and entering).

When we met them the two oldest daughters, who were 9 and 10 at the time, had never gone to school and there were no plans of them joining school. All the children ran around naked in utter filth all of the time(except the two oldest girls, of course). Though there were serious problems in the home the mother and father loved each other, which is a plus. He had always been faithful to her even during her many long visits to jail. Though much of the time he would spend passed out drunk, he still loved his wife and kids the best he knew how.

Fast forward to today, they now have 8 children. The father is no longer enslaved to alcohol but is enslaved by a much bigger demon....Ice and he's pulled his wife into his addiction with him. So what used to be a pretty mild mannered drunk has turned into a raving wife beating, gun slinging maniac!! He's kicked her and all the children out more times than one and attempted to cut off the fingers of his mothers husband, which forced them to move out.

He's now selling ICE for a policeman who also pays him with prostitutes. So now his hearts turned away from his wife and his children. He beats her, kicks her out. She leaves for a few days and then returns. This has happened twice just this month.

Now this grandmother has played a vital role in the lives of these children as the mother was too lazy to raise them, incarcerated, or pregnant and the father was passed out somewhere. Now she's gone.

Thak, a beloved friend and team mate took in the two oldest daughters three years ago so that they could attend school. At the time the girls were 9 and 10 and had never been to school, and there were no plans for them to go to school.  So when schools in session they're with her. When there's a school break they go back home to be with their parents. Both girls have been either number 2 or 3 in their class for the lsat three years!!

But as we have it now, both parents don't want any of the children. They came and dropped them off to Thak, all eight of them, several weeks ago and haven't been back. Thak brought the two littlest ones back home three days ago because she was so stressed out, going from two to eight all in one day. After one day the father called and said, "you have to come get these kids. I can't handle them." So we got in the truck and picked them up.

When we walked in the house, the air was filled with the smell of drugs. There were shoes lined up at the top of the stairs and the door was closed. There were a room full of people smoking ICE. The mother came out of the room, holding the smallest baby and the two year old clinging to her leg. She sat down on the stairs eyes glazed over and said,"Thak you have to take them. I can't do it. I'm so dizzy. My heart's racing"

Tears began to stream down my face as I stood in this hovel of a house and looked up the stairs at a naked baby girl and a lithe brown eyed boy whose face was crusted over with dirt and snot.

Thak said, "Bia, go get Bii Mai some clothes she soaking wet with pee." Bia sat on the stairs and looked at her dazed and confused. Eyes glassed over. Thak went up the stairs took the naked baby and the dirty little boy and we headed back home.

My heart was heavy, friends. My heart is heavy. I haven't been able to sleep for the last few nights thinking about the house, the mother, the father.

Here's the front of the house. 

This is the downstairs. The floor is covered with red dirt that runs in from the back door when it rains. As you can see there's no cleaning going on in this house.

There's standing water about 4in deep in the bathroom. The black on the floor is...well....who knows what it is. 

Here's a picture of Bia, very high, holding her last baby Bii Mai (New year). This was the evening we dropped the kids off.

This is the room where the get high. There's people over all day and all night either buying drugs or smoking drugs with the mother and the father. Things are left just as they are. When they're done eating they just walk away and leave the paper/wrappers there. The cigarette papers and butts are scattered all over the floor. Filthy clothes lie in piles all throughout the house. 

This is the community bedroom. To the left, the mother is sleeping in a drug induced coma as the small little girl lies in her own feces and urine. with sweat dripping down her little face. 

Dum (Dark) third child/ 9 years

Uan (Cubby) 1st child/12years

New Dii (Good) 6th child/3years

Pii Tak(defender) 7th child/2years

Tuut(angle: renamed by Thak) 2nd child/11years

Bow Yai(Big boy) 4th child/6years

Bii Mai(New Year) 8th child/1 year on Dec 11th.

Thak with two littles hanging on her.

I didn't get a picture of child number five. His name is Eeat.

So here's my burden. I can't get Bia and Oh off my mind. Their addiction plaques me. My heart aches for them. My heart aches for the children. My heart aches for all the young boys that come in and out of their house to buy drugs..lives wasted. My heart aches for all those addicted, all those wrapped in chains and living their lives as slaves.


Love
Amber