I really CAN do it!

The last months have been filled with nursing, diaper changing, bathing, rocking, and more nursing. However, I haven't been very convinced that I really could nurse a baby successfully. I attempted nursing Colton for a brief 6 weeks, and then Chase for a very rocky 6 months(supplimenting with formula). So my history wasn't that great. However, since I've been saved, I've had this strong desire to nurse a baby! The second day at hospital, my breats because engorged, and for any of you who know me personally know that I have very large breasts! Well engorgement made it look as if I had a watermelon on each side of my chest! That's NOT an exaggeration. But I thought to myself, that's okay this won't last, i can do this! Week two rolls by and I have these four areas on my breast that are red and swollen and have fever if you touch them. I had a friend look at them and she said, "Oh, Amber, that's a clogged duct and you should tend to it immediately!" The next four days were spent applying heat, pressing and pumping. Can I say, many many tears were shed during these long four days. On top of this regime, I had to nurse a growing baby! Four days later, the ducts were no longer clogged. Clinton and I slapped high five as the last duct burst open and milk spewed out into the bottle! A moment of joy. Another week passes and I begin to think, "I can really do this!" Then one morning I wake up with chills, fever, and aching bones! I'm like, "What?!? do i have the flu?" Clinton feels around on my breast for lumps and finds a whole cluster of them. He said, "Honey, I'm afraid you have a bunch of swollen ducts." As he touched them they were extremely sore!! I had felt them days earlier but didn't think anything about it because they weren't red and didn't have fever in them. But to my surprise, a clogged duct or infected duct doesn't have to be red or have fever. These ducts were infected and it had caused flu like symptoms! The next 24 hours were horrible. Finally, after 12 hours of major flu like symptoms, and a crying baby who wanted to nurse, I looked at Clinton in tears and said, "Honey, I don't think I was cut out for this. I can't do it." In the back of my mind I was thinking that I would send him out for formula. His reply, "Honey, you can do it. You're doing just fine. Don't give up now you'll be so disappointed" So the rest of the night I stuck it out and began taking a very strong anti-biotic. I woke the next morning feeling better but not 100%. I continued to nurse the baby through the excruciating pain and before long all the flu symptoms were gone! I had many many friends encouraging me through this or I might not have made it. They all gave me wonderful advice and a sense of fight. Many many women have and do experience this same type of thing, but if you never talk about it you'll never know. Just knowing that others have gone through similar situations helped me to press through. To my utter delight and surprise, I weighed Cayden on his one month birthday and he weighed 10lbs!!!! I WAS SOOOOOO EXCITED!!! This was like a sticker on my worksheet that said, "well done! good job!" Seeing him gain weight solely on breast milk was a huge kiss for me. I looked at Clinton and said, "I can do it!" His reply, "Of course you can!" "Press on so that you might win the prize!"